Frozen in Time: Social Hierarchies and the Fighter’s Journey

By Coach Jus

Returning to Toronto after fifteen years has been a strange mix of nostalgia and recognition. The streets, the storefronts, the places I spent my childhood—they’re still here, barely changed. But it’s not just the landscape that feels frozen in time. It’s the people, the conversations, the rhythms of daily life. It’s a reminder that in many ways, life moves in cycles, and sometimes, people find themselves stuck in them.

Toronto isn’t unique in this. I’ve seen it in cities and towns all over the world. Social hierarchies have a way of locking people into roles, into familiar patterns that repeat themselves year after year. It’s like a dance where everyone knows their steps, and to step outside of the routine—to change, to grow—feels unnatural, even disruptive. There’s a comfort in familiarity, in knowing your place. But there’s also a quiet danger in it: the possibility of mistaking movement for progress.

The Social Climb: A Natural Instinct or a Learned Behavior?

Humans are wired for connection. Evolution has shaped us to seek social bonds, to form groups, to create hierarchies. Psychologists like Albert Bandura suggest that much of our behavior is learned through observation—watching how others navigate social structures and modeling ourselves accordingly. This can be a survival mechanism, a way to fit in, to avoid conflict, to find security. The phrase "friends are the family we choose" speaks to this, reinforcing the idea that our social circles provide us with identity and stability.

But what happens when that stability turns into stagnation? When the need to belong outweighs the need to grow? It’s easy to get caught in a loop, replaying the same social interactions, fulfilling the same roles, measuring ourselves against the same unspoken expectations. It’s not that these structures are inherently bad—they provide community, tradition, a sense of home. But like anything in life, they require awareness. Are we moving forward, or are we simply moving in circles?

The Fighter’s Path: Growth Through Solitude

Most fighters I know don’t fit neatly into social hierarchies. We tend to be introverted, reserved, more comfortable in silence than in conversation. Many of us were the quiet kids growing up, the ones who weren’t naturally gifted at social navigation. We weren’t the most charismatic, the most well-spoken. Some of us were easy targets for bullies. We lacked the instinctive understanding of social positioning that others seemed to grasp effortlessly.

But boxing changes you. It teaches you that you don’t need to be the loudest person in the room. That popularity, validation, and approval aren’t what define you. The ring forces you to be alone with yourself, to sit with your thoughts, your doubts, your fears. It strips away the need for external validation and replaces it with something more valuable: a sense of internal certainty. You don’t have to be the most liked person in the gym, in your family, or in your social circle. You just have to be the person willing to put in the work, to grow, to push beyond yesterday’s version of yourself.

Growth Is a Direction, Not a Destination

Life isn’t about reaching a final stage of enlightenment where you have everything figured out. If anything, growth is an ongoing process, like a tree reaching towards the sun. A tree doesn’t grow in circles; it grows upward, adjusting to the seasons, stretching towards the light. Some branches break, others extend in unexpected directions, but the movement is always toward something greater than where it started.

Social groups, like roots, provide stability. They ground us, give us nourishment, and connect us to our past. But if we only grow inward, wrapping ourselves too tightly around what’s familiar, we risk suffocating our own potential. The challenge is finding balance—between staying connected and continuing to rise, between appreciating where we come from and embracing where we’re meant to go.

The Journey, Not the Escape

When I left Toronto all those years ago, I thought I was escaping something. Looking back, I realize I was just searching for a way to keep moving. Returning now, I see things differently. It’s not about rejecting the past or distancing yourself from where you came from—it’s about understanding that life is movement. Some people find their rhythm in familiar patterns, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Others feel the need to break away, to explore, to test themselves against the unknown.

Neither path is right or wrong. What matters is that whatever direction you choose, it’s one that aligns with who you are and who you’re becoming. The real danger isn’t in staying or leaving—it’s in standing still and mistaking it for growth.

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